Don’t Google That

Neurologist: I don’t believe your pineal gland cyst is symptomatic.

Me: Okay, but what about the other cyst you said I had?

Neurologist: Doubtful.

Me: So what is causing the inflammation and excess cerebral spinal fluid?

Neurologist: Meningitis.

Me: From THREE years ago?

Neurologist: Yes.

Me: what about these new symptoms I’ve been having?

Neurologist: Obviously something is going on neurologically but we just don’t know what that is.

Me: Uh huh.

Neurologist: You are probably having these symptoms because you use marijuana.

Me: :::: looking at him with total disbelief :::: I wouldn’t need it if I could have a sleep aid and something for pain.

Neurologist: I don’t do pain management or sleeping pills. We can try another anti seizure medication.

Me: But the side effects are horrible and worse than my symptoms. That is part of the reason I use marijuana.

Neurologist: I can’t offer you any medication that will give you the same benefits without the side effects than what you are already doing.

Me: (thinking to myself are you fucking kidding me) But the marijuana is what is causing me all these additional problems and not the tumor in my head? Or the cyst on the back of my brain?

Neurologist: Right. They are asymptomatic. But don’t Google them because you will think you are dying.

Me: Why is that?

Neurologist: Because you will read the symptoms and think it’s the cause of what is going on with you but it’s not. Seriously you are going to be fine.

Me: Uh-huh

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