Ever since I had spinal meningitis I have learned to not take things for granted. Life is precious. All the cliches you have heard about facing something life altering are all true.
It is the little things. The moss growing on the bricks that line my flower beds. Literally watching flowers bloom. Kittens playing ram curiously. Even the bad things don’t seem so bad anymore.
Last week I lost my wallet. I’m pretty sure my brain tumor made me do it. The week prior I had been in a flare and I could not remember most the week. When I finally was able to be myself again my wallet was gone.
Normally I would lose my shit. I would scream and yell and let the panic wash over me. My kids would scramble in fear I would turn into a complete raving lunatic when I had one of these anxiety filled moments. But this time that didn’t happen.
Yes, I was panicked and I furiously looked for it with my kids and the neighbors children. We turned the now dead van upside down (more on that) and scouted the yard. I called all the places we had been to and even some I had not. I looked everywhere. My kids looked everywhere. Furniture was moved, trash cans were gone through, we even looked in the freezer.
And then, anxiety filled and wondering what had happened to it it became funny. My wallet was gone. God help anyone who finds it and thinks they can use my credit card. I just hope they think those pills were not illicit drugs because there were deworming pills. And I needed to renew my drivers license anyway.
Either an animal helped in its disappearance or it was me. No one to blame and no pointing fingers. It was only a matter of time that I truly, truly forgot where I put something. Hell, I couldn’t even remember FOUR entire days.
And this is my life. I truly just strive to live in the moment. Right now is all that matters.
My oldest son, who has dealt with my anxiety crazed rages through the years more than he should had said later “Mom you didn’t lose your shit.” And my response was “when you have a brain tumor that tends to put everything else into perspective”.
Maybe I am becoming a better version of myself.
And the day I discovered my wallet was missing my minivan died. It was on its last legs but I was hoping I could push it one more year. It wasn’t even trade in worthy, I had to sell it to a junker.
The next day I bought a new car, without a drivers license, without a down payment, and without a trade in. I literally called the dealership and told them what I wanted and asked if they would take my pre approved financing. It was the easiest car buying experience I have ever had.
This week has been a good week. Little pain. Less nausea. Less stumbling. Decent sleep. And most of all I have soaked in all those little moments and I can remember them. ?