Silence On Charlottesville Encourages The Alt Right

“We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest.” ~ Elie Wiesel

The silence of so many Trump supporters is deafening. Others I hear loudly. Today I have seen repeated claims that Charlottesville was a false flag. I have seen Trump Supporters claim that the white supremacists that were there were paid to be there to make him look bad. (here is proof that they were not paid) I have read that the students, clergy, and multitude of people who counter protested were also paid to be there, that they were carrying clubs, and had guns. Of course this is false.

I watched a You Tube video that claims that Heather Heyer purposely stepped in front of the car that killed her and that the driver was being attacked. More distortions of the truth. More distractions. More conspiracy theories. To believe this shit is a choice. It is not an alternative fact, it is a damn lie.

But the last two years have been one lie right after another. When I attended the Trump Rally in Mobile, AL, and later went on the news with the white supremacist paper handed to me as we parked our car I was called a liar. That I had made it up. I was threatened. I was called a liar and a bitch and a nigger lover. People claimed I was not even there even though there was plenty of photographic evidence of me there (including my picture at the rally on al.com).

We have a group of people who are choosing to believe “alternative facts” because to acknowledge the truth would expose flaws in their ego, their moral compass, and their choices. We have tainted free speech with acts of violence and domestic terrorism. And the deflection has already started, pointing fingers at Black Lives Matters and the Women’s March. I have seen conservatives ask why this is considered racism and I cannot even justify that with an answer.

This is Trump’s America. This is the America my children are growing up in.

I can’t even anymore with the denial of white privilege. I don’t want to try and understand your views on why it is okay to shoot black people and not white people who commit the same crimes. I can’t support militarized police officers who are daily beating and killing black people in the streets for petty crimes, planting drugs on Latinos, or tazing pregnant women.

I can no longer excuse your wanton ignorance. There are no more passes. There are no more excuses.

There is only one clear choice to make. Silence is a choice and if you are silent I am going to believe that you have taken the side of the oppressors. I am going to believe that you have chosen hate over love. It is time to speak out against the hate, to take action, and to stomp out these false narratives.

For moral and ethical people there is only one side. One.

 

Guilty By Association In the Age of Trumpism

Over the last 24 hours I have watched in horror what has taken place in Charlottesville, VA, and it is just another page torn from the past that we have not learned from. Mostly white men,  some wearing white hoods, carrying torches while chanting white pride slogans and “white lives matter” all over the removal of a statue of Robert E. Lee.

I believe in free speech. I believe in the right to protest. The First Amendment is something sacred to all Americans but when does hate speech and a call for violence turn into domestic terrorism? How long are decent and moral people going to allow this to continue in the era of Trump’s America?

A vote for Donald Trump was a vote for this kind of behavior and acts of violence. People died in Virginia today. DIED. Civilians. Police Officers. Numerous people went to the hospital with injuries. The people responsible are the people who voted for Donald Trump. They believe that Making America Great Again is to Make America White Again. They cloak themselves as the moral majority while pepper spraying their opponents, that included young people to pastors, all while holding lit torches towards their faces.

Your vote for Donald Trump has fueled racism and bigotry and violence. If you voted for Donald Trump you are part of the problem. You are guilty by association. I don’t give a shit any more what your reasoning is. You cannot cloak your vote in Christian Conservatism or that he was the lesser of two evils or any other justification.

This is not about her emails or about Obama. What this really boils down to is who are you. If you cannot see the epic failure we have watched unfold the last six months I have to wonder what has happened to good sense and morals. The time is now for you to denounce Donald Trump and everything he and his followers stand for, and stand with the Resistance. This is not the America I want for my children. Or for yours. Or for any of us.

 

Right-Wing Propaganda In A Public School Classroom

On Wednesday a concerned mother posted a picture of her son’s AP Government class summer reading list from Spanish Fort High School in a closed Facebook Group I belong too. The group is made up of the silent minority here on the Gulf Coast – liberals, progressives, and secularists that don’t fit into the southern conservative culture. As I read it it seemed almost like a hoax. Fake news. Surely, in one of the most affluent and educated areas here on the Gulf Coast this type of thing was not going on right under the nose of parents and administrators? How wrong I was.

I quickly verified that the teacher who gave out the list to his students did indeed teach at Spanish Fort High School and not only that the list was up on the schools website dating back to the 2014-2015 school year (it has since been removed). Not only did I find out that this teacher taught with a right-wing slant in his classroom but that he had previously run for public office and failed – mostly due to his extremist views on the federal government and state rights issues. There is also a blog but I will get to that later.


After asking for permission to share, several of us in the Facebook Group began to publicly share the list. I sent the list to other area Progressives, the ACLU, and I also posted it to Facebook but not before I sent it to my aunt whose daughter attends school there. Within hours it was soon discovered that Gene Ponder had been using this list for years without permission and without approval from the Baldwin County School Board or the principal of the school. That his class had been allegedly taught with a far right slant with religious and racist overtones for close to a decade. Keep in mind this is a AP Government High School course that students must take in order to receive their Honors Diploma.

And there in lies part of the problem. The class is required for students on the Honors Diploma track and Gene Ponder is the only AP Government teacher at Spanish Fort High School. It puts parents and students in a bind to complain about the content of his class for fear of retribution or being singled out. This is not a liberal “snowflake” issue, this is an education issue and having a non biased public education paid for by tax payers. The thing is, even conservative, Republican parents would find issue with some of the books and websites used for Mr. Ponder’s class. Yet again, it wasn’t until this ONE parent stepped forward that this problem was revealed.


What I find amusing is that I am constantly reading about how liberalism is taught in our schools and that school text books are liberal propaganda but that is just not the case, especially here in the South. And Gene Ponder is not alone, there are dozens upon dozens of public school teachers like him. Teachers who are manipulating and brainwashing our youth against climate change and with the beliefs of those like Alex Jones. Gene Ponder wasn’t trying to get his students to critically think about the governments role he was manipulating them to think that someone like Michael Savage and Ann Coulter are the great political thinkers of our time and that Global Warming is a liberal conspiracy. He wanted his students to think of Brietbart as an unbiased news source but not only that he surreptitiously included Christian religious beliefs and propaganda into his class as well.

You may be asking why I give two shits because we are homeschoolers. Well, for one my cousin attends this school as do several friends children. Friends, who are both conservative and liberal, who would oppose this reading list and the characterization of Republicans and Democrats put forth by Coach Ponder. I am also a tax payer. My tax dollars fund public education and pay Mr. Ponder’s salary. And trust me, we pay our fair share of state and federal taxes therefor I believe I get a say.

Mr. K was once a public school teacher. He taught Computer Science, Algebra, Geometry, and middle school math. He went in for seven years and taught the classes he was assigned. He taught the students theory and facts and did so without interjecting any political or religious beliefs. The same should go for science and history teachers as well. Discussions and exercises on critical thinking are one thing – manipulation and brainwashing are another. For nearly 165 hours of instruction time Gene Ponder had these students undivided attention, for a grade, and what you see on this list and what you see from the websites he has listed for his class, this is where he derived much of the views espoused in his classroom. These students were not being encouraged to read The Federalist Papers they were being encouraged to read Liberalism Is A Mental Disorder by Michael Savage. And to add icing on the cake one of his students posted two power points that they were shown and taught in class.


First and foremost these two lists presented in Gene Ponders class is not even factual. By 2016 the GOP was the party of less educated whites and lower income whites. While less educated voters leaned towards being Democrats in the 1990s it’s just no longer a fact now and that is evident by our latest election cycle. Even by 2008, education levels were more equal on both sides of the fence. Surprisingly enough one of the biggest complaints I have heard from Michael Savage, Alex Jones, and Laura Ingram is the criticism of educated elitism from Democrats. The truth is the majority of college educated voters voted for Clinton (52% Clinton, 29% Trump) Gene Ponder and his ilk can’t have it both ways. What is true is that over the past 16 years more and more college educated individuals have moved to the Democratic Party and there are a multitude of reasons for that and one is that the Republican base and party leaders are science deniers. It appears by the two power points presented in his class that Mr. Ponder was presenting these to create divisiveness rather than to promote critical thinking as to why certain groups lean toward certain political groups or ideology. He did get something right – it is white, Christian, heterosexual men who make up the GOP base but I doubt there was a critical overview as to why that is the case. After reading some of the comments of some of his former white, male students on Facebook it became clear that their was a air of white male superiority and is that what we want taught in ANY classroom.

I imagine Mr. Ponder is tenured and will retain his position but I think it is abundantly clear that teachers who perform certain duties and teach certain courses need additional vetting. Allowing a known Tea Party political extremist to teach history is probably not a good idea.  I imagine had this been a far left extremist expounding views in the classroom there would have been a huge outcry. There is a reason for separation of church and state and why we do not allow religious proselytizing and prayers in school. The same should go for politics and political beliefs. It is one thing to tell a student that you are a member of a certain party and another to espouse the views of Ann Coulter.

While writing this blog entry Gene Ponder removed his entire blog. Things that make you go hmmmm….

We as parents and citizens need to continue to resist even at personal risk for the betterment of the whole.

Refusing To Believe What Is True

Last week my children participated in a History Fair with other local homeschoolers. I won’t lie, I chose the subject for each child’s project as I wanted it to pertain to what they had been studying this year in social studies but also to the here and now. I wanted their projects to make them think but also make others think as well.

Our oldest son, Dylan, has been studying World History this year. We have actually been using the Sonlight curriculum which is a lot of heavy reading and there are several books pertaining to past and current child slavery practices and missionary work that has taken place across the world. ( The secular version can be found on Bookshark) His topic to cover for the History Fair was Chocolate & Child Slavery Practices. I wanted him to think about where our food comes from, but especially the candy that is made because 5 year olds are working 12 hours a day for next to nothing. I felt it being close to Easter would lead people to think about the candy massively produced for what many celebrate as a religious holiday. Of course, as people passed his project some were shocked but many paid it no heed because in their world view having an enjoyable experience trumps that of children as young as five being forced into slavery.

My two youngest girls shared a project for the fair. Theirs was on Victory Gardens. I chose this subject for a multitude of reasons. For one, I live in the home my grandparents built and one of my fondest memories about this house was the large garden my grandfather kept for about half of my childhood but started way before I came into the picture. Along with the garden there were also pots of herbs, tomatoes and peppers around the back door. Secondly, I chose this topic because of the times we live in. We as a country need to get back to our roots of producing our own food or at least a portion of it. In times of famines, drought, and impending wars growing your own food is not only a skill we should all have but a necessity. This year we will be creating our own Victory Garden with our neighbors.

However it was Jack’s project where I definitely had an underlying agenda. Jack has been studying United States History this year ( we used a secular curriculum). It is a mixture of boredom but intrigue for him. What I believe stood out to him was the past and the now current corruption in politics and what has lead us into wars. It is no secret that I am raising pacifists and that a portion of our family time is spent on raising awareness on social justice issues. This lead to not just Jack, but all of our children (And more than half of Americans) wondering to themselves how someone like Donald Trump got elected to be our President. Jack is a child of few words. He is quiet but when he does voice his opinion he gets straight to the point and his project did just that.

Excuse my shitty photos – the camera is broke on my phone.

So the title of Jack’s project was “Would You Vote For Me” and the facts on his board surrounded a hidden picture of a famous leader. Some read it thinking it was someone current and nearly half of all those who read the facts about this person said they would have voted for them before seeing their picture. This man was charismatic and drew huge crowds, he loved Disney Movies and his favorite was Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. This famous leader lead the first anti-smoking campaign, was a vegetarian, and was Time’s Man of the Year. He was even nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize. In private, this man was introverted, loving his family and his pets. He fought for his country and as a leader supported and went to great measures to protect those in the military. And let me say that this man knew what it was like to grow up in poor conditions. He lived in homeless shelters and hostels for three years as a struggling artist. He took delight in simple pleasures like eating chocolate daily and he was a prolific writer. On the surface he sounds like a great person.

No matter how people answered the question “Would you vote for me?” they were indeed shocked when they peaked and saw that my son’s project was on Adolf Hitler. Under his picture it told how he was responsible for the genocide of 6 Million Jews and tens of millions of other people during his reign. This is a man who won the popular vote. Nearly 18 million people voted for him with an 88% voter turn out the year he was elected. On the surface Adolf Hitler was not a monster. He was actually generous and undoubtedly had good qualities but the truth is Adolf Hitler was a monster, one of the scariest of them all. He was a wolf in sheep’s clothing that cared deeply about animals, was against big game hunting, and for ethical slaughtering practices but yet he sought to exterminate a whole race of human beings allowing them to be tormented, enslaved, and butchered for experimentation.

And if you think this project was aimed to force people to question voting for Donald Trump – you would be correct. The comparison is not how the men are alike (they are) but how they were perceived by voters and half the citizens in their countries.

People believe what they want to believe.

And that has been the problem with this last election cycle. Half of America bought into an illusion of a leader. Even though they were presented with repeated facts and evidence that Donald Trump was not fit to fill the role of President they still believed in him anyway. While he incited violence at his rallies, lied blatantly, and nearly 70% of what he said was untrue people still fell for it hook, line, and sinker. Now that it is shown that he and many  a part of his campaign and current administration colluded with Russia, have ties to white supremacy, lie and are incompetent for their positions there are still supporters. It is like they are blind to all the broken campaign promises, the blatant dishonesty, the unnecessary and excessive spending, nepotism, and his trigger happy small fingers next to the nuclear weapon button.

 Yet, as Trump tweets daily about “Fake News” he is one of it’s largest participants. He associated with far right publications that are not just one sided but post exaggerated and often false information (Drudge Report, Breitbart, Info Wars). He listens to men like Alex Jones, who believe demons are manifested in human beings and that their is a reptilian alien race pulling the Global strings. Alex Jones, who I have actually listened to for years, is a right-wing extremist who believes in countless conspiracy theories (some with merit, most without) and is famously known for saying the Sandy Hook Massacre was a false flag. And Mr. Jones gets on air and proclaims how truthful and honest he is. He screams, yells, tears at his clothes, calls out to Jesus, uses profanity and makes declarations about other news sources being fake. However this week Alex Jones in legal documents in a custody suit claims to be a “performing artist” that does “political satire“. Alex Jones claims he is fit to parent his children because he is nothing like the character he portrays on Info Wars. This MAN, this “character” is one our President listens too and seeks his news from. ( to note I don’t think either he or his ex-wife Kelly should have custody of the children, both are unstable human beings)

Yet people will refuse to believe. Even provide excuses.

The truth is is that Donald Trump says one thing and portrays his self as a knight in shining armor, all knowing and with all the answers. This is something he has in common with Adolf Hitler. People fell for the smoke and mirrors, bought into his patriotism, his claims that he would bring change and Make America Great Again. He played to an evangelical base as the more moral candidate even though he has a history that displays just the opposite. And yet, people still believed him.

Sadly, due to shame and stubbornness, many of those who chose to believe what they wanted to verses the truth will continue along the same path verses admitting they were wrong. And what will that cost us, the American people, and the human beings of this world? Only time will tell.

Adolf Hitler was the Chancellor of Germany for 11 years. In that time, he was responsible for the genocide of 6 Million Jews, 20 Million Civilians and Prisoners of War, and millions of others World Wide. Hitler rose to popularity and won the vote because many working class people were under employed or had no work at all, small businesses were failing, and people were suffering under the economy. Hitler claimed to have answers and appeared to be a savior to the German people. His slogan was “Freedom and Bread” and he promised to bring prosperity to Germany again. 

You Don’t Say – Medication is bad for my child?

In line with some of my more recent posts on homeschooling and parenting I thought I would address the person who feels it is necessary to tell those of us with children who have special needs, learning disabilities, and mental health issues how to parent. It is their belief that their good mannered, sweet disposition child or children is the result of their parenting and life choices. Well I am here to tell you right now that if you think that having a neuro-typical child or one that doesn’t have learning disabilities is a result of your parenting choices then not only are you delusional but you may be an asshole. Or maybe you are a concerned aunt or grandparent and that a good spanking and better discipline will straighten the kid out and we are just looking to pigeon hold our child into a diagnosis.

If Only.

We have five children in this house who are all very different. For the most part we are fortunate to have healthy children. Physically healthy children. Not all our children were physically healthy in the beginning. One of our sons had developmental and speech delays and one of our daughters contracted whooping cough as an infant, then RSV and had damage done to her lungs and immune system. However they are both older and only get the common illnesses that other kids get.

One of our children is adopted. He is now a thriving teen but the early years were a living hell. We can look back now and laugh some and be thankful that we survived. We made a lot of mistakes. I personally carry guilt for a lot of things I did in trying to control an aggressive, violent child. We all have emotional and physical scars from about a six year period. Luckily we got help because we no longer could handle things on our own. We appreciate all the friends in our lives who stepped up to the plate to offer us respite, even when they didn’t get it but saw that we were drowning. It took a village and we are grateful.

And then there were those who thought that their superior parenting or magic cures would solve our sons issues. I can honestly say that I tried it all out of desperation.  I can say to the people who said to spank him – it didn’t work. It actually made things worse. Punishment did not work. Not even negative consequences worked. In fact it just caused more despair and frustration on our part and made our child feel inadequate and unloved. To outsiders I am sure that we eventually looked like pushovers and passive parents when in actuality we were doing exactly what our family therapists (plural) advised us to do.

We also put our son on medication. He has been on medication since age 4. I can tell you about all the side effects, the blood draws, the journal entries, and how long it took to find the right fit for our son. I can tell you I wasn’t comfortable with it. That I cried. That we cried. That I questioned it every single time he took his medicine. That I prayed there was a better way and there would be some magic pill to solve it all.

There wasn’t.

With in our four walls was a war zone. Broken furniture and holes in the walls and the other children hiding or locking themselves in their rooms out of fear. Our lives were a roller coaster that never stopped cue concerned individuals who thought we were doing something wrong…

Did you change his diet? It is probably food allergies. I bet its gluten. 

I won’t dismiss that food is the best medicine. I believe in gut health and I believe in the brain gut connection. All of that is scientifically proven. I actually have problems eating wheat and it makes me feel like shit. I also have food allergies that mess with my speech, impact the way I write, and cause me to be disoriented. But I am here to tell you we didn’t put our son on anti-convulsion and anti-psychotic meds as our first line of defense. Sugar, red dye, yellow dye, blue dye, and grains did not make him being an aggressive, violent, and hallucinating five year old. If only it was that easy.

You should see a chiropractor, use essential oils, and feed him super foods. 

This sounds like reasonable advice. I am sure people mean well – or do they? Or is it really a judgment on how you parent and the choices you have made. If I thought some essential oils on the bottom of my child’s foot would have prevented him from putting holes in the wall or walking on the roof in the middle of the night or would cure night terrors I would have totally done it. But just think about how ridiculous that sounds. And while I personally use essential oils for a variety of issues as a first line of defense, I do not treat my anxiety and PTSD with essential oils. I take medication and go to therapy. Anyone who tells you they have cured their mental illness or their child’s mental illness or autism with essential oils is lying. (hate mail can be sent to beautifulwreck2 at gmail)

And as I have said, I believe in the power of food and the gut brain connection. I think for some children and adults eating a shitty diet it can impact their behavior and moods. I don’t believe it is wise or safe to eat franken foods for our overall health but do I think eliminating Little Debbies and Doritos from my kids diet will solve our problems. Well, I did eliminate them and guess what – the child was eating an organic, whole foods diet without grains, dyes, or sugars and NOTHING CHANGED.

There is this assumption that if you have a young child with behavioral problems or mental illness it is somehow the parents fault. If only it was that simple. Bless. Do you not think the majority of parents with children with these kind of issues haven’t tried, researched, and discussed these things? Are you assuming we are uninformed or stupid? Some of us even took parenting class or got training as foster to adopt parents. We spend our time connecting to other parents in person and on the internet, we speak to not only our physicians, but all the parents I know with children who have mental health issues or a child on the autism spectrum has done more research than the FBI.

You just aren’t tough enough.

The fact that someone had the audacity to say this to ME is almost laughable, but I have heard it plenty in connection to all of my children. While I am much more laid back mother than I used to be, I have always had high expectations for my children – no matter what was going on with them. Do some of them have legitimate excuses when they are acting like assholes? Yes, but we don’t let that define who they are. And it surely is not a reflection on my toughness as a parent. (If my kids are reading this they may be laughing at the idea people think I am a permissive and passive parent) The goal of my parenting is not to put a band aid on inappropriate behavior but to get to the root of it. Sometimes the root of the problem involves changing the guidelines and structure of our life, therapy, and medication adjustments. (sometimes for them, sometimes for me)

Having children with learning disabilities and mental health issues has taught me to be flexible and we need to think about how we approach parents who are living this day to day. They are in the trenches trying to make decisions for their child and are not just looking for the easiest way out by turning to medication. Often times before we ever reached the decision to put our children on medication we had already exhausted a lot of other methods to help our child. We are not stupid, we are not passive, and we are not lazy. Please think before suggesting that what we are doing for our children is wrong.

 

Inexperienced Mothers Shut Your Wine Hole

Ten or fifteen years ago I would read just the title of this post and get pissed and offended. Now I am “that” woman. I am the mother in her 40s with over 20 years of parenting experience and five children and I now “get it”. When you have your first child you don’t know shit you just think you do. You have the books, you belong to Mommy Groups and Due Date Clubs, and you have all these ideas about what you as a parent will and will not do. You may even have a degree in early childhood education or sociology and believe that parenting is as cookie cutter as the text book promises. Bless. I’ve so been there.

I will say that I surely do not know it all. Parenting is a journey and each child brings its own challenges and rewards not to mention learning curve. I’ve often said that had Mr. K and I had stopped with our oldest, Elizabeth, I would believe I was a perfect parent. For the most part she was easy to raise. She is now in college, pre-med, excellent student, has shown good judgement, and over all a pretty fantastic human being. Not that the other kids aren’t fabulous but the ones that have followed have added a long list of challenges and definitely parenting outside the box.

I was pretty sure that I knew it all those first five years. I had probably read a few dozen parenting books, belonged to several online mommy groups, had a subscription to Parents and Mothering, and was full of condemnation for those that were doing it wrong. You know, the mothers not doing it like me. But then we decided to grow our family and I was in for a rude awakening. Everything that worked with the easy, typical child absolutely did not work with our second. I was lost and a bit crazy for the months and years ahead adding a third child. Then a fourth. And then a fifth because hell, what’s one more! And it was child number four I realized that there was really no one right way to do things. Parenting was not a one size fit all, cookie cutter venture. By baby number five I realized I had wasted a lot of energy and angst the past decade over bed time, potty training, food, and a host of other issues.

There seems to be a theme among inexperienced mothers that I not only witnessed but was a part of and that was the illusion of being in control. Read that again. Try to control everything with your child and thinking if you do XYZ will make your parenting/child/life easier will just cause you frustration, copious amounts of wine drinking, and binge eating the toddler snacks while you hide in the closet wondering where you went wrong. I know mainstream media and a few crazy “experts” claim that you can continue to be  self centered adult and that children are just accessories you can add to your life that will just compliment you but I am here to tell you – THAT IS BULL SHIT. Being a parent is no longer about you, it is about the WHOLE, and when the children are little it really is all about them. And I will say if you can’t wrap your mind around this just don’t have kids. Get a dog. Or better yet a fish. Because I have dogs and they are pretty needy sumbitches.

Does the above paragraph mean you have no life? NOPE. What it does mean is that your life will be altered. The glass coffee table will need to be put away until the kids are ten and maybe not even then. You will likely have very few opportunities to pee or take a shower alone. There will be sleepless nights. Your schedule will not be their schedule. In fact your schedule – when you eat, go to the gym, have sex, visit with friends – no longer is yours in the early years and as I am now experiencing, the teen years either. Get the notions of how you dreamed it would be or how it should be out of your head. And once you have kids it will impact your marriage too. It will either change for better or for worse, or if you have a bunch of kids all at once it turns into just trying to fucking survive with some sanity in tack.

But let’s just imagine for a moment parenting for you has been smooth sailing. You have darling little cherubs. Not only are they the smartest and most beautiful, talented kids on the planet but they slept through the night, were easy to potty train, are not picky eaters, and were developmentally advanced. Bless your heart, you probably believe that has something to do with your parenting or your college degree. ::: cue laughter ::: Actually no, it has nothing to do with that at all. You got lucky. Your superiority and smugness at how well your YOUNG children have turned out has really very little to do with your parenting methods, set schedules, and control issues. When they are adults we will talk.

And if you are reading this and thinking “Is this post about me?” Probably.

So here is me pulling my crone card out (I’ve been waiting awhile to say that) and I am pretty sure it says on the back “bitch”.

Kudos to all my friends having babies in their late 30s and 40s. While some were planned I know a good many were surprises. In the last few years I have had so many friends having their 3rd, 4th, and 5th babies after most their children are half grown I can’t even count. I really can’t imagine starting over at this point. I’m seriously thankful for those last little stair steps (and a hysterectomy) because I imagine that if I was to have a baby at this stage of my life I would essentially allow it to be feral. Teenagers and toddlers – lawd have mercy just thinking about it makes me want to hide in the laundry room, drink moonshine and eat all the things. The thing I have noticed though as my friends enter the toddler and young child years again is the judgement, advice, and even admonishment of their parenting by inexperienced, and often much younger mothers.

Bless their hearts.

If your oldest child is less than ten years old and you can count on one hand the last time you had to wipe a butt,  mothers of multiple children or those having “second” families after already raising children to be self sufficient teens or adults DO NOT NEED YOUR ADVICE, OPINION, or JUDGEMENT. Just keep that shit to yourself. I will also add do not be offering your “professional” or “educated” opinion to parents raising special needs children when you have neuro typical kids. (and there is another post coming on this) You are not doing these mothers, or fathers, any favors. In fact if you get a smile and a pat answer from them or “I’ll keep that in mind” they are really dismissing you and likely think you are being a jerk.

Older mothers who have had more than three children do not want your potty training advice, do not want to hear about making their toddler “independent”, why their child should no longer have a bottle or a pacifier, nor do they want to hear anything else for that matter while they let that fourth or fifth child run barefoot, half naked, and eating something off the ground. Why you might ask? Because in the big scheme of  things – THESE THINGS DO NOT FUCKING MATTER. Once you surpass three children you begin to realize that not only is every child different but that they will be okay should you not follow What To Expect or Toddler Wise. In fact, most of us know that the pages of those how to parenting guides are not developmentally appropriate, often just make us frustrated and feeling inadequate, and better served as kindle for fire or wiping your ass.

I think if I hear one more mother of one or two children lend potty training advice to a mom of many I may lose my shit. In the last six months I have witnessed this very scenario. Two is not a magic number for toilet training. Child development is a spectrum. When you are reading a text book it is based on an average not the whole. This is why I find it to be ridiculous that day cares, mom’s day out programs and preschools require children to be potty trained before attending. For one “babies” of families often potty train later, as do boys, especially if they are the youngest of many. And even though pediatricians and science tell us not to force children to use toilets we still have this dated advice and expectations. And we can apply this to just about anything – pacifiers, breastfeeding, bottles, and bedtimes. And if this is not clear enough for some reading this – it is not your business. So just keep your judgement to your self and your unsolicited opinion.

And here is something I can tell you – they eventually use the toilet and stop wetting the bed. I’ve yet to meet an older child breastfeeding or sucking a bottle. They do sleep. Eventually. In fact when they are pre-teens and teenagers hitting puberty you will wonder if they do anything else in their spare time. They do learn to wipe their own butts, learn to read, no longer want to be in your bed, and have manners. 

AND I have some ASSVICE for you – THEY ARE ONLY LITTLE ONCE.

Babyhood, Toddlerhood, and Childhood is a brief part of all our lives. Some of us got a clue by the third plus kid or we realize it when they are teenagers and we understand that some things didn’t serve our children or our family. It can be a much more rewarding and enjoyable experience when you can laugh at yourself and not take the really benign things all that seriously. Experienced mothers know this. And while some of you inexperienced mothers may think we are doing it wrong – well, we have time, experience, and patience to show you we were right. So just chill the fuck out, drink some wine, and burn the parenting books.

 

 

Pussy Makes The World Go Around

Yesterday the #GOP sat with Donald Trump to discuss healthcare. One of the main things they discussed was Women’s healthcare issues. Not ONE woman was there. All men. All wealthy men. These men did not feel mammograms should be covered by insurance because as one stated “I don’t have breasts”. Another that sat at the table doesn’t think maternity should be covered not everyone has children. Another said older men shouldn’t have to pay for it because wait for it, they are no longer having children. Donald Trump’s youngest child was born when he was 59. He was not the only man at that table on his 2nd or 3rd marriage to a younger woman who had started a second or third family. Yesterday while all this was going on a poll came out that men had taken that indicated that 52% of them had not benefited from contraception coverage under “ObamaCare”.
Now, this is where this post will no longer be suitable for work. This will also be where I become a “nasty” woman.
Pussy is what makes the world go around. When you wonder why women march here is some of the many reasons. While you sit there and feel all smug and equal and think that women have a fair shot if they just do XYZ when men just have to be born you have missed the point. When you say you are not a feminist because you feel you have never been sexually harassed in the work place and women who have deserved it or that you don’t hate men I want you to think about why in 2017 we have to continue to fight for equal pay, paid maternity leave, insurance coverage, access to affordable birth control, safe and legal abortion, cancer coverage, and well care coverage for the children we birth. When politicians and judges allow rapist to go free because boys will be boys and place blame on women because of how they dress or where they go at night. When you have a President who thinks he can force advances on women and grab them by the pussy – that is why we March.
While these men, who claim to get no benefit from having to “pay” for women’s healthcare coverage I say this – Whether gay or straight you came from a womb. You have a direct relationship to PUSSY in this world and you should care. Whether born from it or fucking it it should matter. Your mothers, wives, and daughters should matter. You may not have breasts but you either sucked on them after birth or sucked on them later. You disgusting, privileged men will by your mistresses fake fucking titties but you have a problem paying for mammograms? Give me a fucking break.
Am I angry – YES! Because I shouldn’t have to fight for mammogram coverage and breast reconstruction surgeries in 2017. I shouldn’t have to fight for CANCER screenings and pap smears because some old white man who thinks because he doesn’t have a vagina shouldn’t have to contribute. I shouldn’t have to fight for accessible, affordable birth control when WE as entire country benefit from family planning, reduction of teen pregnancy, reduction of unwanted pregnancy, etc etc etc. I shouldn’t have to fight for maternity care coverage and well baby coverage to be covered by insurance with the abundance of wealth we have in this country.
Maybe you really think these women’s issues do not apply to you. Maybe you think that because you have a penis or that you are a woman who feel that fighting for these rights means you are a man hater I have some more to say – WOMEN make the world go around. I absolutely believe we bring more to the table than men. There I said it. Are you happy now? Without pussies and breasts where in the hell would the rest of the planet be? The next time you ask and wonder why large bodies of “nasty” women march and wear pussy hats – THIS IS WHY. Because while you may not think that it applies to you, just remember that you came from pussy and probably at the end of your God forsaken life you will be cared for by someone with a pussy. The next time you as a woman get a mammogram or a cancer screening that doesn’t cost you several pay checks remember this is why NASTY WOMEN MARCHED. When you are able to get cancer treatment for ovarian, uterine or breast cancer remember that some OLD, WHITE, REPUBLICAN wanted to take that away from you.
It literally costs pennies from each and everyone of us to cover women’s healthcare issues and affordable birth control. PENNIES. Loose change you could find in your car each month. Maybe you as individual will never need it but someone you love will. Pussy makes the world go around, nasty women get things done, and if we all disappeared what would happen then?

5 Ways You Have Exposed Your Bigotry On Facebook

For all intense and purposes your Facebook page looks generic compared to some people on your Friend List. You tend to post happy family photographs, funny cat pictures, and the occasional status that is non-controversial and probably related to something you ate. For good measure you may post something uplifting and spiritual every now and then because you’re a nice person after all. Or you at least want people to think that.

Then people begin to unfriend you on Facebook without provocation. They even may become distant when they see you in person. Worse yet, you realize you have been BLOCKED by people you considered friends. Your favorite cousin is no longer in your Newsfeed and your invitation to your neighbors annual BBQ got lost somewhere in cyber space. You are bewildered as to why because you are not controversial in the least. Well, wonder no more because I am going to share with you five ways you have exposed to everyone that you are a closeted asshole.

  1. The Comments On Public Pages  Your social media looks like an explosion of happiness and positive energy. You’ve worked hard at keeping things as bland as possible with pictures of cute kids and animals. Everything you post is through a filter of not offending anyone. But then you go to your local News Media page on Facebook and decide to add your 2 cents to the comment section on what you feel is a cut and dry issue. Surely everyone knows that boys should not use the girls restroom at school and gender identity is a lie of the devil. You decided to post that you do not want men in the restroom with your daughter even though that “man” has double D breasts and looks better in a dress than you do. You then go to list a host of nonfactual reasons and religious bias to back up your feelings on the subject but what you don’t realize is that your comment is now being seen by all your friends in their Newsfeed. Whether is is about politics, police brutality, or a businesses refusing to serve someone based on their sexual orientation everyone now knows you are not only intolerant of others but that it is rooted in alternative facts and that you use Jesus to hide behind it.
  2. Liked Pages I continue to be surprised that people do not realize that the entire social media world can see the pages you “like”. You probably do not mind that people can see that your favorite college football team is Alabama or that you “liked” a page of a sick person in your church that needs help. What you may not realize is that they also see that you read alt-right news media and fan over Milo Yiannopolous. Your friends can see that you have liked pages that have neo-nazi roots, degrade women, the disabled, and people of other faiths. What you thought was hidden and would never mention around your friends of color or while you are working with LGBTQ individuals they can now see as plain as the hand in front of them.
  3. Comments On Your Friends’ Pages That are Public Or Friends of Friends Not all posts on Facebook have the same privacy settings. You may have your posts set to friends only or a select group of people but others may have theirs geared toward a public audience. If the post isn’t set to be open for the world to see it may be set so that friends of friends can see and read their posts. You may not have realized this when you decided to comment on your Uncle’s post about how Trayvon Martin deserved to be shot and that you agreed to be seen by the black couple that sits on the same pew as you at church. That discussion you got into about the ills of gay marriage on your girlfriend’s post you may not have wanted your gay cousin to read or the gay hairdresser that does your hair on a regular basis. Your comments calling political opponents names and making fun of them you may not have intended for your best friend to see that is different than you.
  4. “Liking” Posts On Your Friends Pages You think this is benign behavior. You don’t understand that it could be revealing the heart of who you are. You may not engage in controversial discussion and are careful about publicly liking any page that is not your favorite eatery or a movie you recently saw. You feel like you have this privacy thing on Facebook managed pretty well. Smart phone in hand scrolling through your feed you find this meme funny that references a lynching of Obama so you press the thumbs up button. You and the person who posted it are like minded individuals who “get each other” but you had no idea that your friend who is married to a black man and has biracial children saw what you did. The thing is when you like offensive memes on Facebook or those that demean others based on sexuality, race or religion they are  micro-aggressions.
  5. Groups You may not realize that the Group you just joined is visible to the public. You may believe your membership is hidden or that posts inside the group cannot be seen. Many groups these days are “Closed” but this only means that those outside the group cannot see what is posted inside. Membership is still visible to the public and your friends may be able to see what groups you are in – Public and Closed and even advertised to them in a way to garner more membership. Whether it be the local Swingers Club, the Neighborhood Watch, or the Alt-Right Homeschool Group you just joined, unless it is set to “Secret” your friends can see what groups you belong too.

So the next time you wonder why someone you were friends with, either in real life or on Facebook, unfriended you it is doubtful that it was about your political beliefs and more about showing your true character if you are guilty of any of the above.